Hear What You Want by Kyra Lennon

Author:Kyra Lennon [Lennon, Kyra]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2018-08-28T16:00:00+00:00

After a long soak in the tub, I’d changed into my pyjamas and dressing gown, and Ben and I had ordered and eaten a meat feast pizza. Once we were done with the food, we’d turned on the TV and he’d wrapped his arm around me on the sofa. I snuggled into him, taking every bit of comfort he offered me.

I’d never been so needy in my life.

“Thank you for today,” I said, after a while. My head was nestled against his chest, and he held me tighter as I spoke.

“It was the least I could do. I haven’t exactly been the best friend over the last few days. I just need you to know that I am here for you. And I really didn’t mean what I said.”

“I know. You don’t need to apologise anymore. You’ve more than made up for it.”

He kissed the top of my head. “How are you feeling about tomorrow?”

“Sick. I know what will happen. I know if anything shows up at all, it will be Noah’s DNA and I still won’t have any answers. And neither will he.”

“You need to stop worrying about him, Ambra. He was partly responsible for this mess.”

“Partly,” I agreed. “And you’re right. I probably should stop worrying about him. I just… I liked him. And as much as I understand what might have happened—and this is going to sound messed up—I just can’t imagine that he would have raped me. I mean, it’s supposed to be black and white. But maybe this isn’t. If we were both that drunk that we don’t remember, that we had such little control over ourselves, what if I said no and he didn’t hear, or he was too drunk to read the signs? I’ve looked at that photo online a million times and it looks like I was in no position to say yes or no to anything. And maybe he didn’t know what he was doing either.”

Ben moved me back from him slightly so he could look into my eyes. “Maybe that’s true. Maybe it’s not. But have you thought about what you’re going to do if the results go the way you expect? Or if they don’t. Have you thought about how you’re going to move on from this?”

I shook my head. “Not really. I feel like I might have to just tell myself Noah and I slept together. Nothing more sinister than that, because if I keep trying to figure it out, I’ll drive myself crazy.”

“You’re already doing that.”

“Yes. But maybe I’ll be able to draw a line under it once I know for sure it was only Noah. That I didn’t get involved in some kind of rock band orgy. I think there’s some counselling I can get. Someone mentioned it today. But it feels pretty stupid to get counselling for an incident that might not have happened.”

“It’s not about what happened. It’s about finding a way to move forward. It probably was just as you thought. You slept together, and you can’t remember.

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